personal

I have not been updating my blog lately. I’m guilty I know! Obviously apart from my little dramatis in life I actually had my laptop rented for a fair service charge in two weeks time. Yep! Money in the making here! That’s how poor I’m getting that I had my baby for hire. We’re talking about business here so gotta grab it! LOL! I was initially a little fidgety about it when the offer knocked. I asked my friend and she said go and off I closed the deal. Besides where can I get that money in two weeks these days. Net cafes are always around if I need to do a little net hopping. Moreover, the person I’m entrusting my baby is my boardmate/techguy whom I rely much in computer stuff so I know it’s safe. I hope..

Just a couple of days ago I met my girlfriend for lunch and had a major gay talk. She’s my one of my closest highschool buddies and we’re both working in the same industry here in Cebu. She’s busy, so do I, but we decided to meet-up despite the hectic schedule since I insisted. Besides it was my work off-day so I was pretty confident of the time. I instantly noticed her gaining weight and girl she cursed me for that! Hahaha! She’s fat! I’m so-so! But I, being her gay friend, told her we’re both building fats in our system together to make it sound fair for her. Ya’know! A slight white lie does pacify. Hehehe.. We talked a lot of things. Updates from our personal work and our ‘zero’ love life once again. We backtracked to certain highshool moments which we had fun sharing. Good ol highschool drill days are over. From crazy classmates to boring classes to strict teachers even to our jinxed junior prom which by the way most of our ladies majorly hated since they had their prom dresses ready prior to the announcement. Honestly, I did not really bother much with the prom. I’m not a party pooper but it wasn’t just my thing then. Despite the fact that I’m limited to wearing any prom dresses given my fabulous gender, I was not the fully-bloomed fag I am now compared those dark closet-gay ages. Ha! Sadly, no senior prom took place as well. I just realize it was a ‘miss’ for us. Prom is one of the highschool highlights and too bad we never had the chance to experience it. Awwww…

The talk was a blast though it was just in a short moment. Damn! I miss a lot of things from the time I started getting serious with my life. Hahaha! I miss highschool and given the chance to turn back those days I’m really gonna have a selection of Cinderella or Belle-inpired prom dresses and surething I’ll be the Prom Queen of the Night.. Hahaha! Ya right! vi-a-v!

I seriously thought that this humble chica blogsite would be free from any online hassle stoppage or whatever you call it. I’m not a techie person so spare me of the terms. Everyone knows how undersized my web cocoon is and I prematurely assumed that I’m totally exempted with those server/database-down situations. But not until the other day when it actually happened to my site which had caused major panic in my nerves. I know it’s not severity critical case but the setback idea as for how long this will run is definitely alarming for me. I checked the website of my friend whose bucket I’m in for this domain and it was purely okey and the rest of her sites too are working perfectly fine.. I was like, what the heck is happening! Am I being hacked or something? As if! LOL! But honestly, I was in a real state of worry upon knowing the situation. Who would have thought that all of the sudden you’re gonna be contained in such tight spot while just doing minor updates in your site.. Crazy! Since I was down helpless and bothering my friend was not a good option that time, I just waited for 5 hours and thankgoodgraciousness it went back! What a major relief! I just hope that if ever this happens again, I’m in my sweet snooze mode.. Goodluck to me! Hihihi..

Hollaaahh! 8 straight days from blog hibernation and I’m all out back! I know! 5 days in Manila plus 3 days in my Leyte roots equals to major fun! Supahhr dupahh! Right after my graveyard work on Wednesday last week, I went straight ahead to the airport to catch my 12:05nn flight to Manila and for the life of me did not waste any chica get-together with my lovely friends here and there. In fact, I felt like a superstar on the snatch which I purely love! Ya’know! Attention is what keeps me glowing like a Swarovski crystal noh! Cherfer! Hihihi.. Honestly, I already miss my crazy friends back at the metro. *Sob* Being away from a circle whom you’ve spent much time doing crazy stuff back in your college days is somewhat heartbreaking. They’re your outside family. You’re major outlet when you wake up having a very frizzy hair.. Hayyy.. Friends for keeps to my Pampams and B-Street Gang! Love you peeps and pimps! Bena is missing you mucho already… Til my next visit..

Anyhoo, I was once again sleep deprived in the entirety of my stay there but whatevs! My energizer bunny almost failed but this opportunity seldom happens so Go! Go! Go! Besides I’m not filthy rich to travel anytime I want. Despite the fact that I’m such a thrifty pig, time is not an easy hold for me as well. So, with all that being said, I’m happy to be back my dear sweets! Hate or love it! Bang! I’M BACK! vi-a-v! moi bena~!

Omigosh! After 3 long years of missing the hassle-bussle of Manila, I’m definitely gonna be back there to spread my cheapness and chicness this time! Hihihi.. I’m super excited to meet my crazy friends ever and party all night! Waaaahhhh! There’s no stopping now coz everything has already been set.. My roundtrip tickets, my daily outfit, my itinerary for 4 days and so on and so forth.. Thankgoodness! It’s a short time stay though and sure I’m gonna make most of my time faggoting all over the metro! Hahaha! So my dear sweets, celebrate with me and let’s all sing: ! ‘I like to party.. Everybody dance.. Make love and dance to the music…’‘

Cebu Pacific flight 5J 580 bound for Manila at 12:05pm (8-13-08), I’m all set! Zoooom!

vi-a-v!

moi bena~!

*win wink*

Tagging time everyone! I do love tags, it makes blogging more fun and you get to know your fellow bloggers a little more. Hihihi.. But first thing first, I wanna thank joy kikay for this lovely tag. Kikay for life noh! Weeeee! Now, I got so excited the moment I received this, though I only have a number of footwear with me. The idea of sharing your shoesize, the shoes you have, its style, etc. chu-chu is such a thrill! It somehow defines what type of personality you have. Do you go for comfort platforms or chic killer ones or a mix-match of both? Whatever your reason is, make sure to always keep a happy feet like I do. Hihihi.

So ladies, gays and gentlemen! My shoes collection! Count 1 to 6 and there you have it! Hahaha!

Shoot! I’ve been awake for straight 15 hrs. already and haven’t gotten any sweet snooze yet. Not even just a nap. What on earth is happening to me?! I feel sooo sleep deprived for the past few days. 3-5 hrs per day is totally unhealthy for me. And absolutely has zero answer as to even why. One thing for sure, I coouuuuuuldnnnn’tt sleeeeeeeppppp… That’s all… Can somebody hand me over a Eszopiclone please?..

It’s over.. Not the revelation part but just the lunch itself.. teehee.. If I only have the balls to confess, I could have done it right there and then but I’m a coward brown fag! So that explains it.. Once again.. I let it pass..

The lunch was all fine casual and thank goodness his 2 invitees backed-out! Yabayabadooo! LOL! I really don’t like strangers in such occasion. Tendency is, it will turn out to be a one fatal Q&A portion. You’re cornered and most of the time you spill a lot of lies. Like me having a girlfriend and those sorts.. Of course, I wouldn’t say ‘yes’ and reason is I know how expensive having a gf is since ladies are just so freakinly materialistic.. Treat you here and there.. Spend your money money on this and that.. I know coz I’m a lady too.. Hahaha! I really find it sooo funny whenever someone who doesn’t know the feminine me asks if I have a girlfriend and those chick-boy Qs. Bad bitches! That’s all I can say.. Innocence of me makes you hilarious! LOL

My outfit for lunch: black skinny jeans, brown leatherette shoes, semi-fit blue horizontal stripes polo shirt and an invertible red/grey jacket. Overall, so lesbian! LOL! I waited for almost 10 minutes before he arrived. That gave me time to do some thinking. Will I hit the bull’s eye already? Check or not? Yes or noh? Olahlah or nadanadah? And then I saw him coming towards me and all of the sudden I felt awkward and my heart started to pound. Crazy! I’m being uncomfortable to my own father. My mouth was tongue-tied and was holding my phone most of the time like having a text brigade and all those diversionary moves. What a foolish feeling and I couldn’t believe it! He initiated the conversation by asking how am I. I answered back and ask him the same question. The food came and we started eating and the chit-chat went smoothly and the awkwardness vanished and then I started to breathe normally. Thank goodness.. God knows how it made my senses normal again..

While we’re having this beautiful lunch, I can’t help ask myself what have I done to just let my father and the rest of my family be so blinded of my real chica life. Drama itetch.. Really.. I know that I’m being so unfair to them and that’s because of my fear with so many things in life and one of which is family rejection. You know those things when families despise their own blood if they found out their homosexuals. I just don’t want that to happen to me. *sigh* But reality has it. Whatevs! I love my family so much but this I’m-a-gay matter is eating me up.. I actually had many attempts of breaking my own silence but it turned out to be not the right chance I guess.. Time will reveal when it’s right.. Oh well, I’m just so happy that I saw my papa and had lunch together and chit-chat even just a bit.. Somehow there’s sense of completion in me.. I love my family so much.. *tears*

That’s all..

PS: You might be wondering why I let the confession pass. I just feel it’s not the right time yet. And also, I don’t wanna jinx his stay here with my own drama noh.. Goodluck nlng talaga!

What a surprise! Late last night, my father called me and letting me know his presence here in Cebu for a 3-day seminar. With that, he attempted to invite his ‘beautiful son’ for a dinner and the prodigal side of me said ‘i can’t since i have work at 1:30am and haven’t gotten enough sleep yet.’ Twisted liar! I actually don’t have work the morning after. It’s just that I was not prepared to morph into being ‘Ben’ from ‘Bena’.

For the past years, it has always been a pretty tough situation of holding myself back from showing the flowery me to my own family. As much as I wanted to show them how kikay I am and how I’m interested with bags and shoes and skinny jeans and all about sissyfication. I just couldn’t! 23 years + + + and it’s the same old feeling. Sometimes, I deserve to be imprisoned of carrying this erroneous guilt. I’m unfair to them!

PS: My father just called now inviting me for lunch together with 3 of his colleagues.. Goodluck to me now! I hate this! And god knows how I wish to be blown away! *sigh*

This is MAJOR! I know that you know and hope everybody knows how I die hard of keeping my body figure slim if not thin. As a wannabe aspiring model I have to maintain an acceptable size 2 to look fabulously hot in every outfit I slip in. So, I was doing my supahmodel pose routine in front of my mirror when I noticed that my body made an unjustifiable expansion. Double chin, flabby forearms, ballony tummy and fat fat fat all over me! I’m getting plump! That’s it! My modeling career will be over and done! Noh oh noh and this shouldn’t happening! Feelingous! LOL! But seriously, I did gain weight which I’m not happy about.. *sob*

So with that shocking self-observation, I made indiscriminate flashbacks of what I’ve been doing for the past weeks and I realized one thing. I’ve done nothing at all to keep my weight loose and healthy. The gluttony side of me made an unobvious comeback and is helping me stack more carbos and choles in my system. Pleezzzz stop it! Now, how am I suppose reclaim my ohlahlah body form back in the Stone Age?

I’m thinking of trying those Ballerina Chinese diet pills but I’m scared of getting my mouth foamed if it won’t work properly for me. Very tragic so I gotta skip that! Hence, going to a fitness center would be a quite good option but I’m sluggish to. Papa Piolo watshodaydo? Help me! I know you will and I’ll wait..

To my dear readers, I just wanna let you know I haven’t fully recovered yet from my colds and fever and that I’m in a good so-so condition just for now.. So I’m taking advantage of my full-pack energy to go blogging and do some random chicas here and there and I know how much you miss me already. Char!

Oh well, you know that a couple of days ago I was caught in a short-term dramatic moment of locking myself up in my room, which I personally think was a pretty strong thing of getting myself into deep contemplation. There are just times you have to set yourself up into such mode of epoche to help you straighten up some bended mindsets you feel you have in your life. Self-recollection as I call it and it did some relief in my part. Simply unexplainable but worth the drama.

On the lighter note, I just wanna share these beautiful pictures from our kingdom animalia.

Look at them. They’re so cute and so care-free! Isn’t amazing how the hippo and the big tortoise share such sweetness knowing that they look different with each other? That’s what friendship is all bout people. Getting paralleled despite race and gender. Hope this serves something for us. Isn’t heart-melting seeing those pictures? For me it really is coz it just conveys much! Til my next post..

vi-a-v!
moi bena!