It’s over.. Not the revelation part but just the lunch itself.. teehee.. If I only have the balls to confess, I could have done it right there and then but I’m a coward brown fag! So that explains it.. Once again.. I let it pass..
The lunch was all fine casual and thank goodness his 2 invitees backed-out! Yabayabadooo! LOL! I really don’t like strangers in such occasion. Tendency is, it will turn out to be a one fatal Q&A portion. You’re cornered and most of the time you spill a lot of lies. Like me having a girlfriend and those sorts.. Of course, I wouldn’t say ‘yes’ and reason is I know how expensive having a gf is since ladies are just so freakinly materialistic.. Treat you here and there.. Spend your money money on this and that.. I know coz I’m a lady too.. Hahaha! I really find it sooo funny whenever someone who doesn’t know the feminine me asks if I have a girlfriend and those chick-boy Qs. Bad bitches! That’s all I can say.. Innocence of me makes you hilarious! LOL
My outfit for lunch: black skinny jeans, brown leatherette shoes, semi-fit blue horizontal stripes polo shirt and an invertible red/grey jacket. Overall, so lesbian! LOL! I waited for almost 10 minutes before he arrived. That gave me time to do some thinking. Will I hit the bull’s eye already? Check or not? Yes or noh? Olahlah or nadanadah? And then I saw him coming towards me and all of the sudden I felt awkward and my heart started to pound. Crazy! I’m being uncomfortable to my own father. My mouth was tongue-tied and was holding my phone most of the time like having a text brigade and all those diversionary moves. What a foolish feeling and I couldn’t believe it! He initiated the conversation by asking how am I. I answered back and ask him the same question. The food came and we started eating and the chit-chat went smoothly and the awkwardness vanished and then I started to breathe normally. Thank goodness.. God knows how it made my senses normal again..
While we’re having this beautiful lunch, I can’t help ask myself what have I done to just let my father and the rest of my family be so blinded of my real chica life. Drama itetch.. Really.. I know that I’m being so unfair to them and that’s because of my fear with so many things in life and one of which is family rejection. You know those things when families despise their own blood if they found out their homosexuals. I just don’t want that to happen to me. *sigh* But reality has it. Whatevs! I love my family so much but this I’m-a-gay matter is eating me up.. I actually had many attempts of breaking my own silence but it turned out to be not the right chance I guess.. Time will reveal when it’s right.. Oh well, I’m just so happy that I saw my papa and had lunch together and chit-chat even just a bit.. Somehow there’s sense of completion in me.. I love my family so much.. *tears*
That’s all..
PS: You might be wondering why I let the confession pass. I just feel it’s not the right time yet. And also, I don’t wanna jinx his stay here with my own drama noh.. Goodluck nlng talaga!
